he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
