4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
