you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize