Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He felt like a one man threesome
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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