i just wanna soil my oats bro
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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