Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
