I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
