I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
