My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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