I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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