I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize