I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
