I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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