Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
