my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
