I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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