I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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