Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
