his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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