i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
