I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
