We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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