Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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