I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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