oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
