Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
