new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
