My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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