I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
