Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
