Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
