but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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