we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
