Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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