I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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