I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
