No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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