Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
