I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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