im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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