Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
