I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
