Duck Duck Cougar?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
