i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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