Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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