we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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