I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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