I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
