Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
