even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
