look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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