none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
