you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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