Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
