ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
