I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize