honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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