The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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