You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
